Ceci N'Est Pas Une Thanksgiving Potluck

I'm kind of annoyed my image of Auryn won't stay in my last post as one of my next tattoos.

Every now and again I'll be writing about things that have absolutely nothing to do with the target subjects this blog was created for. Simply because I'm bored or I've experienced something in my little private life that I don't mind sharing with you. My reason for writing is due to a mixture of the two.

I love potlucks at work. Seriously. I just ate like a god damned king. I know I'm trying to lose the weight (read: belly) I've gained the past few months since hurting myself/getting sick and not being able to work out, but at times like these, I could give 2 shits. Bring on the obesity! We just had our Thanksgiving potluck at work and I gotta tell ya, these co-workers of mine are the kind of people you want to bring over for dinner, so long as thay bring a dish 'cause this ain't no soup kitchen.


Me without a bike and a gym membership

I just had home cooked honey glazed spiral ham, a chicken/cheese/broccoli/rice dish, green beans (the kind topped with crunchy onions), mashed potatoes and turkey gravy (that's what I brought), corn, fried chicken, potato salad, rolls, shrimp cracker spread, barbq meatballs, pumpkin pie, some kind of 3 cheese yellow cake, and sparkling grape juice. I swear to God and all that's holy, I haven't felt this satisfied from just food in a long time. It was fun company, too. Some of us hung out in the meeting room where we had the spread set up along with my boss, who has this insane ability to make things awkward as hell. It's great.

Someone had asked her to bless the food, which I really don't have a problem with. As long as no one tries shoving their religion down my throat, they can bless whatever the hell they want. I respect it. My boss declined stating that there are many different religions and cultures in the workplace and it's not a very smart thing to do, to which I applauded her. She added that there might even be some atheists in the room. I didn't think anything of it. I'm not really an atheist (though I've a feeling some of the people in the office think I am), but I didn't find anything remotely offensive in her bringing it up. About 10 minutes later, she closed the door and explained her reasoning for using atheism as an example and she didn't mean to make it sound bad and everyone is free to practice whatever they wished and yadda yadda yadda. It was hilarious!!! I felt like I was in an episode of "The Office." Explanations made out of paranoia make me super uncomfortable. I love it.



Before that she gave a little speech about how this kind of thing brings everyone in the office closer together and it's a great idea. I think she was just feeling guilty for not having made anything. Whatever. I was just there for the food. While we ate, she told me she wanted to ask me something and she hoped that I didn't mind her prying into my personal life. "Oh here we go," I thought, getting ready for something super-awkward. She then went on to ask if I ever cook at home or, since I'm a single guy living on my own, do I rely on fast food and such. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed with her choice of questioning. I was ready to answer, "Oh, um, doggy style, I guess," or, "He's been dead for about 3 years now and it still hurts," in a shaky, uncomfortable voice when all I got to say was that I cook every now and then, giving a detailed layout of my kitchen. Boooooooooring. I can show them a thing or 3 about personal questions!!!

One of my co-workers just sent me an email entitled "Women Think It's So Easy" with a video attachment of a bunch of older women having some kind of race at a backyard party where they have to run up to their partner with a plunger sticking from between their legs. Once reaching their teammate, they had to insert the plunger handle into a roll of toilet paper their partner had between their legs without using anyhands. To say it was disturbing would be an understatement. I think what might be the most disturbing is that I found it oddly appealing because I haven't gotten any in a really, really, really, really, really long time. I know that's a bit on the TMI side, but I felt it was pertinent and a little funny. Hey, who else is going to joke about my unintentional celibacy? Oh yeah. Everyone.

I'm not going to even get into how insanely funny it was when a Puerto Rican co-worker of mine obviously took huge offense to being mistaken for Mexican by another co-worker. I thought I was going to shit myself.


Got it?!?!?

So, yeah, it's been a really weird and fun day at the office today. I had some really awesome food and everyone is kind of in a good/silly mood. Even the collections people are in high spirits, joking, laughing, and putting up Christmas decorations. 'Tis the season, I guess.

The sad part to all of this is that I'm the only one of my kind here. That's the reason a lot of you get frequent, random texts and emails from me during the course of the day.

Oh! Happy birthday to a favorite abstract artist of mine, Rene Magritte. If he hadn't have died in the 60's of cancer he would have died in the 70's or 80's of old age. Today he could've been 110.

Jesus. This might be the most random, stream-of-consciousness type blog I've ever written. Just 90 more minutes.....


At the risk of sullying this amazing work, I just can't help mysef: It's Rainin' Men! Hallelujuah!