Well, I'll Be Damned

Look who's back. Actually it's more like look who's able to log onto his blog account at work again. I shouldn't even be doing this considering the fact I'm still swamped with massive amounts of work, but it's Friday, it's a quarter to 6, I'm supposed to be here for another hour, and the office is empty save for the custodial staff, none of whom can speak a lick of ingles. What the hell else am I going to do? Be productive?!? Eff that noise. I've been begging to get canned lately. I'm so utterly sick to death of this place, economy be damned.

Thanks to Boner Party, I just caught my first look at what Joanna Newsom looks like. I've never really been that into her. She just reminds me to much of Jodie Foster's Nell character when I hear her sing. I've always felt I'd like her more if I walked around in bare feet, wore flowers in my hair, fiddled with harmonicas, and had a vagina. But, Great Ceasar's Ghost, is she adorable! And surprisingly hot for a really skinny girl. Awesome hair, too. I have a thing for good hair. If I were her beau, I'd totally sit around and listen to her music. Of course, I'd have to tuck my Linus and Charlie Browns between my legs giving myself a mangina and smoke a lot of weed (perfectly explaining Andy Samberg). Sucks she lives in Wiiliamsburg (which, in my opinion, is something like the Jersey of Brooklyn).

Sometimes, when I have the ole Ipod on shuffle, something comes on that just makes me feel fucking awesome. Pearl Jam just popped on. Crazy Mary. It was about a minute into the song when I realized, "Holy shit. This is Pearl Jam. Man." Suddenly, I felt 10 different shades of rad, mildly missing 1993 and how cool I thought I was back then. I just sat here loving on some Vedder and getting all into drinking the bottle, drinking it down, and passing it around with Victoria Williams. Then some new Cave Singers came on for the PJ afterparty and totally chilled me the fuck out and brought me back to 2009. I used to have a Pearl Jam "Jeremy" shirt. Man, I fucking loved that shirt.

Go to the Enzian and watch "A Serious Man." It was amazing. Don't worry, Roger Deakins is back as the Coens' DP. And if you don't like this film, there is little hope for you.

Oh, and one more thing. Stephen King's Under the Dome = hooolyyyyyyyy shit! It is that good. It has some of the best character developement I've read in a long, long time. Of course, 1,074 pages and 30 years of development kind of allows you to expand and elaborate a bit.

Back From the Void Part 2: The Explanation

Okay, I had this whole other thing written out about The Legends' new album "Over and Over" (hence the pic of the album) and how good it is, as well as mentions of the new ones from YACHT, The Dirty Projectors, God Help the Girl, and Fun, but stupid blogspot is only posting what I wrote on Outlook and not what I actually wrote on here. I have no idea how to fix it. When I edit it, what I wrote is still there, it's just not showing up in the final, published version. I call horseshit. You'll just have to guess what was written. Look at it this way, a little mystery will keep our relationship interesting and fresh.

Regardless, I hope everyone had as happy, as safe, and as fun of a 4th as I did!!

Back From the Void

Note: If this entry looks weird, it's because I began writing it at work on Outlook, emailed it to myself, and then copy and pasted the email to here in order to finish it up. Lord only knows how jacked it's going to appear.

Wow, have I been lazy about posting or what? It’s been 2 months and my last post was merely a heads up to everyone about a show. A ton has happened in the last few months: getting myself in shape, getting my heart broken for the umpteenth time (you damnable females), the Magic nearly going all the way, Liverpool coming #2 in the Premier, the US somehow beating Spain and going up against Brazil in our first ever shot at getting a FIFA cup (still trying to wrap my head around that one), my baby nephew not being in the best of health but still fighting the good fight (he is Irish and a McNulty, after all), trying to catch up with my comic books, getting sucked into Crackdown, Oblivion, and Ghostbusters on 360, Roommate and I up to scandalous deeds, getting ready to go to St Pete to do some recording, working 50-60 hour work weeks, drinking and partying way more than I should (going in to work still drunk is so not fun, yet that seems to be my regular thing now every Monday and Friday), etc, etc, etc. It’s been a friggin crazy time. So, yeah, I’ve been a little pre-occupied. Still, I've been reading about Octohawk's adventures in Colorado in her Pejorative Jinx blogand Pacing the Panic Room's blog about his adorable, increasing family and in comparison, my life seems pretty god damned dull and pointless, despite the insanity. BUT, that is another blog for another time.

Let’s talk music!

I love rediscovering music. I’ve been listening to a lot of the MC5 lately, whom I haven’t listened to in ages. Not since I went through my Wayne Kramer/listening-to-old-punk-rockers-somehow-gives-me-validity phase as a kid. God damn that was a good band. They really need to have a reunion. Are they all even still alive?

There has been some seriously good stuff that’s come out lately. First off, we’ve got Grizzly Bear’s Veckatimest. So far, I’m pretty certain this is my favorite album of the year. It’s absolutely stunning and you can definitely hear the band growing into themselves. They’ve always been pretty unique, so it’s kind of stupid to say they’re “finding their own sound,” but something is definitely going on there. I could make a metaphor about flowers blossoming, but that’s gay. I’ve heard people say this album is poppier. I don’t know if I’d use “poppy” to ever describe Grizzly Bear, but it definitely isn’t quite as gloomy as Yellow House or Horn of Plenty. If you haven’t had a chance yet, I implore you to watch Patrick Daughters’ video for “Two Weeks.” In fact, give it a couple of watches. I swear I spent an entire day watching this video over and over when it was first released. My life is sad and empty. Standout songs: Two Weeks, Ready, Able, About Face, While You Wait For the Others, and Foreground.

Next up we got Au Revoir Simone’s “Still Night, Still Light.” Man, I adore these girls. This album really isn’t much different from their last 2. Their music is still keyboard laden beauty fronted by gorgeous vocal harmonies, just a little more layered now. Basically, if you like their other stuff, you’ll friggin love this record. I regret having missed them at Anti-Pop. The weird thing is they actually play this CD at Barnes & Noble. Strange. Great for the band, but strange. Standout songs: Shadows, Knight of Wands, Only You Can Make You Happy, and Anywhere You Looked.

Speaking of shows, Black Moth Super Rainbow is coming to town at the end of the month. So, if you live in the Town of O, you should definitely check them out at Backbooth. You should also check out their new one, “Eating Us.” Like Au Revoir Simone, there’s not much different in this release from past albums. It’s just really, really good. I can’t say enough good things about this group. Standout Songs: pretty much all of them.

Here’s an album that changes things up: Phoenix’s “Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix.” Seriously, that’s one of the worst names for a record ever. Thank Baby Jesus the album isn’t nearly as bad as it’s title. The airwaves have been thick with their single “1901.” I don’t really mind this since it’s a great song and damn near impossible to not dance to. Phoenix has always been good about that. It’s funny I had to be coaxed into listening to this release. I saw them perform “1901” live on some late night show and thought it was fucking awful. Let me just say it translates much better on CD. One of the things I like about Phoenix is the fact that this album sounds very different from the first. The style of their music and the vocals have changed quite a bit and they seem to try to keep that going from record to record. I like bands who aren’t afraid to try different things and keep their sound fresh.Standout songs: Lisztomania, 1901, Fences, and Armistice.

One more album I'd like to mention is the new one from The Legends, "Over and Over." Sweden's big indie label, "Labrador Records, has put out a lot of good ones lately from Suburban Kids With Biblical Names, The Mary Onettes, and The Radio Dept (FINALLY), but the problem there is that they are all sigles and EP's, never reaching past the 4-song mark. "Thankfully, "Over and Over" is a full 12 songs. To make matters even better, Johan has left the keyboard-laden pop behind of the last couple of albums (which I actually do like a lot) and has returned to the fuzzy shoegaze-ish twee foud on the first record, "Up Against The Legends." Standout songs: Monday to Saturday, Dancefloor, Something Strange Will Happen, and Touch.

There have been some other good things that have been released recently from the likes of Yacht, The Dirty Projectors, the new Belle & Sebastian side project God Help the Girl, and one of the guy's from The Format's new band, Fun. However, I have already written enough and I am ready to do other life-fulfilling things. I ust have to figure out what they are.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye

If you live in Orlando, then you should make it a point to go to Will's Pub on Saturday night. My old band, Watch Me Disappear, is playing (sans me, obviously), some band named Kahn or something, and the reunion of what I still think is the greatest band that this town has ever had and probably will ever have, The Punching Contest. I'm pretty sure the show is a mere old skool $5. Trust me, this is something you do not want to miss. I'm sure the boys will be in rare form.

All Caught Up

So, since my computer had contracted some kind of deadly disease, disallowing me from accessing the internet much less anything else, before my roommate was actually able to let my computer travel back in time to a point where it was much happier and disease free (I'd be so lucky), I have fallen far, far behind on my regular geeky activities. I have actually been forced to go out, be social, go to the beach, meet with friends for dinner, and other various activities I've been denied because of my computer's inability to serve my regular daily needs of comic books, movies, ordering pizza and chicken wings online, and sitting in dark rooms with the blinds closed. Alas, the comp is more or less fixed, sort of, and I just finished catching up with a month and a half's worth of comics and I've downloaded a bunch of new albums and movies (Shhhhhh!!! You heard what happened to the Piratebay guys, right?). Don't worry. No Wolverine for me. I'd rather see it in the theaters without the reality of suspension wires. So having said that, I've decided not to write about any of it. Not that I don't think any of what I experienced in my catchign up was good. It's just too much!!! I am planning on going to FX this weekend (Leonard Nimoy, Spike, and Drucilla!!!!!) and I'll try to get my regular posts going now that I'm current on everything. Man, what a pain in the ass. Plus, that whole "No more blogspot at work" thing is a real Debbie Downer.

Meh. C'est la vie.


This came up when I Google imaged "C'est la vie." I love it.

Oh, and did anyone else know that The Mighty Boosh was on Adult Swim? I sure as hell didn't, so you can imagine my surprise when I caught an episode of it at a friend's house. Not only that, but Gary Newman was on!!!! Holy crap!!!!!!!!!!


Too fucking awesome.

New Liverpool Away Kits

They made the decision on the new kits in January, but I'm just seeing them now since I gave up on International Football for a month or 2 because the January drama got to be too much for me (and believe me, God has been punishing me for it). So, I present to you the 2009-2010 Liverpool away kits.


Boner.




I hate to admit this, but it reminds me of the black Spider-Man costume/Venom symbiote. I love it.

The Last One

I just got off my phone with my dad who gave me a bit of bad news: Marvin "Popcorn" Sutton was found dead by his wife Tuesday morning from a suicide.

Popcorn Sutton was the last of a dying, and now dead, I guess, breed. He was a legend throughout the Smoky Mountains and surrounding areas, mainly in North Carolina and Tennessee, for making moonshine. Now, this isn't "making moonshine" like I used to make beer. Popcorn was the real deal. He was born near Maggie Valley, NC, grew up in the mountains, was good friends with Willie Nelson, a great banjo player, having released an album, and had distilleries set up throughout the Smokies. He was a man who lived by his own rules and kept alive a tradition hundreds of years old. When you think of traditional moonshiners, you're thinking of Popcorn. Yes, they still exist. Unfortunately, the government is well aware of this and they busted Popcorn a year ago, seizing the tools of his trade, along with 800 gallons of moonshine. This was problematic on a personal level because Popcorn is who my parents got their shine from and I gotta tell ya, the stuff was good. He pleaded not guilty in court and was told that he could face up to 15 years in prison and pay half a million in fines, simply for selling untaxed whiskey. (From what I understand, the government doesn't like it when they don't get their cut.) This is not good news for a man diagnosed with cancer. Popcorn's lawyers and family fought to have him put on house arrest, but the judge wouldn't hear it. I don't know what the sentencing was, but the Friday before last Popcorn was given his summons to prison. Refusing to spend one day in prison, he took his own life on Tuesday, dying in his Ford Fairlane from carbon monoxide poisoning.

If you want more info on him, you can read the few books written about him, one of which, "Daddy Moonshine," was written by his long lost daughter, a New England historian, and, in a sad coincidence, released, I believe, on the day of his death. You can also watch the documentary about him, "The Last One." The title is based on Popcorn supposedly making his last "likker" run, but I think it also comes from him truly being the last real moonshiner in the Smokies, if not the country.

Who Watched the Watchmen?

Well, it’s flippin’ official. My job blocked my Blogspot access. Those bastards. And I’m almost absolutely certain it’s because of me. The employees at my job aren’t exactly the “writing” type. It happens when just anyone can walk in off the street and get employment here. I mean, after the drug test and all. So, now I really am forced to write on Word and email it to my Hotmail account so I can copy and paste it to my blogger when I get home. Fucking ridiculous? You betcha.

So, it’s been a while since I’ve posted. Work has been keeping me ridiculously busy, like overtime busy, and they’ve been canning people who’ve been using the internet (Big Brother’s watching!), causing me to lay low for a bit. It doesn’t help that my home computer has contracted a virus I can’t get rid of, disallowing me from accessing the internet, or much else for that matter. God damn, when it rains it pours. Quite a bit has happened in the last month or so since my last post. I think I’ll write about the one thing every geek in the world has been gushing over for the past year.

So, let’s talk “Watchmen.”

Who’s seen it? Who hated it? Well, to hell with you. I’ve seen it twice, if I may be so bold to brag. The people who are hating on the film are hating it for the most ridiculous and varied reasons. Maybe you fit into one of these categories.

First you have the fanboys. Those unlovable little nerds who won’t be happy with any translation laid down on celluloid (or in this case digital memory banks). The most common complaint I’ve run into so far from these Simpsons Comic Book Guy blueprints? They changed the ending. Well, let me explain something to those of you out there who have yet to read the graphic novel. The original ending of Watchmen involved a staged alien invasion, a gigantic squid, and genetic manipulation. Really, the movie version wasn’t all that far from those plot points, but I won’t get too in depth in case anyone reading this has yet to see the film (and you should). What was important was the movie having the same outcome as the book, which it did. To berate the film because you’re upset that you didn’t get to see a giant squid is ridiculous. And while the movie’s change doesn’t make a whole lot of sense if you take the time to really, really ponder it, it worked extremely well for an average movie-going audience and I, for one, liked it. The dialogue was nearly word for word, and the shots were taken straight from the panels of the book. The acting here and there left a little to be desired, but the film made up for it visually. It cost them $100-million to make and they definitely got their moolah’s worth. And this is coming from a die-hard fan. If I want giant squids and alien invasions, I’ll watch “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea” and “Independence Day.” Oh, I’m sorry. I mean, “ID4,” as though that ever made any sense.

Next, we have the Average Movie-Goer. Those poor slobs who deny themselves the good things in life (like being obsessed with movies, video games, and comic books). As my friends and I sat in the Imax theater opening night , full of Ale House food, munching on candy and patiently awaiting the opening title of “Watchmen,” Brian looked over at me and said, “I wonder how many of these people are going to be disappointed in this film.” To which I replied, “I could give a shit, so long as I’m not disappointed.” A lot of people walked in expecting to see a super hero movie full of action. What they got was something entirely different and that pissed a lot of folks off. You really can’t blame them. It bugged the hell out of me that the studio was marketing the film they way they were: as an epic action picture. In reality, it’s an epic murder-mystery-drama, deconstructing the super hero mythos and reassembling it in a more realistic fashion. Think about it: here are a bunch of people who dress up in costumes and run around fighting other people who dress up in costumes. What kind of people would actually do this? Narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths, nerds, sexual deviants, megalomaniacs. It’s not exactly a Spider-Man film. To those of you who wanted Daredevil or Punisher, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you spent half the movie bored because it was too much story. I’m sorry that only one character had actual superpowers (unlike Iron Man and Batman, so that argument is total bullshit). I’m sorry that there was a rad sex scene in it. I’m sorry that it was unlike any other super hero movie you’ve ever seen and you’re just too dense to accept it for what it is. I’ve always said there are 2 types of people in this world: those who read Vonnegut and those who don’t. Now I can easily sum humanity up with this film: Those who get “Watchmen” and those who don’t.

For all of these people who didn’t like “Watchmen,” at least they got the new “Harry Potter” and “Star Trek” trailers out of it. So awesome.

Speaking of Harry Potter, I saw the new teaser poster for the movie. “HP6.” HP6?!?!?!? What the fuck is that?!? It’s called “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince!” Or even “Harry Potter 6.” Whatever! Why, why, why do these Hollywood marketers and advertisers insist on retarding everything? The same thing pissed me off for the last 2 X-Men films. “X2” and “X3.” Just say X-Men 2. Is it really all that hard saying one whole extra syllable?? You’re not going to lose that much time out of your day, trust me. All of these idiotic abbreviations aren’t doing the movies any favors. They’re just making these films sound like various stages of venereal diseases, not to mention the fact they’re dumbing people down and making them linguistically lazy.

As far as trailers go, if you haven’t seen the new trailer for “Where the Wild Things Are,” I beseech you to look it up and watch it. It looks absolutely amazing. The Arcade Fire soundtrack just adds to my joy. Hopefully, the movie will get Spike Jonze in the mood again to do “Harold and the Purple Crayon.” Oh, excuse me. I meant to say “HATPC1.”

Sorry if I seem a little more venomous than usual. I had a shitty weekend. Read my other blog to find out a little about it. Plus,. I'm sorry there are no pics on this post. Damn site is acting up.

HB, DS!

Looks like today is Dr. Suesss's birthday! It was 105 years ago today that Mama Geisel gave birth to little Theodore, the doctor of nothing who would introduce children to the wonders of seeing severly crazy shit without the use of halucinagenic narcotics. And who would be the inspiration for me trying to put hats on cats as a child (much to their displeasure), hop on my pop (much to his displeasure), as well as the force behind a Universal ride that causes me to vomit every time I make a go of it (much to the displeasure of those around me).

Here's to you, Dr. Theodore Seuss Geisel!! Thanks for the imagination and the lessons.


Oh yeah, and thanks for these jagoffs:


Aaaaaand the nightmares:

Absence

Sorry I've been MIA. I've been super busy at work. Rest assured, though, when I get the chance, I've got tons to write about. In the meantime, catch up with my other blog. Dork free with the same laughs and a little extra insight. Oh, and a lot more bitching. And toilets.

My roommate just told me that the Yeah Yeah Yeah's are the Pixies of "our" generation. I had to stifle my urge to smack him and instead responded that the Pixies are actually the Pixies of my generation. I always knew the guy was a little musically inept, but jesus christ, really?!?!?!? The only good thing to come out of the Yeah Yeah Yeah's was Head Wound City and the countless nights I spent alone in my room, drunk on whiskey and crying to "Maps."


Speaking of whiskey drunk, I kinda woke up like this last week with a few little embarrassing details left out. Amazingly, I wasn't hungover. I think I was so drunk the night before I transcended mere regular drunkness.

Happy Friday the 13th

Warning:



PLUS



EQUALS




It's not easy to give me nightmares, but what the hell, EA? What. The. Hell?

Mid-Season Trades

Even though it's only 2 episodes into its "3rd Volume," fuck to Heroes. This past Mondays episode was a complete waste of my time. The only redeeming quality was Sylar's story and his new protege, that one kid from that one thing I saw not too long ago. That and my millionth time seeing the Watchmen trailer. Aside from that, I got to watch the same fucking scene play out over and over and over again for an hour. I wanted death.

So, I'm pretty much over that show. It's like every relationship I've ever had: it started out cool as shit but ended up becoming a ridiculous mess that no one wanted to be a aprt of any longer. What a letdown. My new night to look forward to is Tuesdays for Fringe, basically making my most beloved TV viewing nights those which are dominated by JJ Abrams shows. And to think I nearly gave up on that show a few months ago because it wasn't holding my attention. That mothefucker went from 0 to 100 in from out of nowhere. I can't even believe I'm watching the same show now. It's getting in-fucking-sane. It started as an X-Files rip-off to this show about powers and multiverses and wars between dimensions and all sorts of trippy shit. Considering who created the show and where LOST has gone, how am I even surprised? My only gripe is that it is taking yet another hiatus and will be back on in April. What the fuck, Fox?

As an added bonus to Fringe, I saw a badass preview of Watchmen that literally brought tears to my eyes. March 6th can't get here fast enough. And speaking of movies, I don't know how much time you have left, but go see My Bloody Valentine 3D while you still can. In Orlando, it's at Universal (midnight showings only) and on the digital screen at Disney (for $12, but hot damn what a way to drop that kind of cash). Don't forget kids, Jason Vorhees makes his "re-imagined" appearance this Friday!!!!

Great Job!

I'm free to blog at work again!!! The managers I was training have left and now I can dick around as usual. It's even easier now because our systems are down at work, giving me absolutely nothing to do.


Get your poke on

SO, I finally got to see the Tim and Eric Awesome Tour this past Friday night. It truly was awesome. And courtesy of my pal Brian and his awesome Christmas present to me, I got to sit in VIP, which, I found out, doesn't really have any benefits other than getting someone to bring your drinks to you. Our server was pretty, though. A little too skinny, but pretty. We also got the opportunity to meet Tim's parents. Kinda neat.

On the flipside, I had to miss O'Death on Thursday because of A) a lack of money and B) not knowing if I'm going to have a job in a couple of weeks or not, which directly relates to the severity of A. I was supposed to hang with the Hex Tremors for all of their dates with O'Death in FL and do roadie-type things, too. Damn it all. I just read on Octohawk's blog that she was able to go and now that I know she, too, is a fan of the band, I'm happy she was able to attend. Still, it would have been nice to have finally met her in person. I'm finding the girl's got impeccable taste in music.


Get your broke on

You know who else has impeccable taste in music? Me. I've been on a weird DEVO/Wall of Voodoo/Modern English kick of late. Sometimes you gotta take a few steps back to move ahead. In fact, I think I may have just stumbled upon my topic for this post.

Let's talk One-Hit-Wonders.

Good lord, how I loathe that term. It is strictly based on record sales and has nothing to do with the actual talent of the bands unlucky enough to fall under this category. What's worse is that every time you attend an 80's Night, that's all you hear. Forget the fact that a lot of these groups have incrdible, extensive catalogues. Nope. We're just going to focus on the one song that has been shoved down everyone's throat for the last 20-odd years. As you can see, I'm pretty annoyed by it.


The image matches the sound

Let's take a look at Wall of Voodoo. What song do we know from them? "Mexican Radio." A truly awesome song, no doubt, but for fuck sake! The guys have 2 full length albums and an EP! (That's not really true, but those are the albums that Stan Ridgway is on. Anything released after he left really isn't WOV to me. Though "Happy Planet" is pretty good.) They are so much more than just one song!! They gave politically and socially fueled, creepy, spaghetti western new wave a place in music history and have influenced a lot more bands than people realize. They're honestly right up there with DEVO. In fact, they used to perform with them a lot in the early 80's.


In this case, pay no attention to what they look like

How about Modern English? Good God, I am so sick of "Melt With You." I really am. That song is so out of place with their overall sound, you'd be surprised it's the same band. The hit single came from their second album called "After the Snow." I read something recently that stated this album was their more poppy, radio freindly album after their first release, "Mesh and Lace." I don't recall who wrote that, but they're idiots. There's nothing poppy or radio friendly about that record, with the exception of the single. It's a beautiful, lonely sounding album, with "Melt With You" being a scar on it's visage. It's more likely to be played at I Bar's goth night as opposed to Thursdays or Fridays. Do yourself a favor and find "After the Snow." It's out of print, but you can always download it. Trust me on this one.


After the Snow

This is all I've got for now. I tried to make this post somewhat funny, but I'm pretty passionate about the mistreatment of good 80's bands. Maybe I'll write about some of the goofy movies I watched this weekend. In the meantime, I'm going to get back to work. I get antsy when I've messed around on the internets too much.

In The Shit

I haven't really been regularly following people's blogs this week. Nor have I been writing anything new. I've been training the managers from Nashville all week on how to do my job, so they can go back to TN and train their people, wherein I will get laid off. It's amazing how these big corporations work us peons. Being utterly disposable feels so good.

So, yeah, I've been kinda busy. But, believe me, I'll have plenty of time on my hands to blog before too long. I'll also probably be doing it from Asheville, NC.

Is it me, or was tonight's LOST kind of predictable? Oh, and the new season of Torchwood is coming on soon, and what's shown in England will be synced up with what's shown here on BBCA, which I think is pretty cool. No more waiting to see what gender (or species) Captain Jack is going to try to fuck that week, knowing the Brits have known 4 months in advance. (Thank god for torrents.)

When I left the house this morning, it was in the 50's. By the time I got to work it was in the 40's. What the fuck?!?!?

The Bone Blog boys just posted a thing about Nugnuts. It's a video, which I can't view at work, but I really don't need to see it to know. In case you don't know, McDonald's started this new ad campaign aimed at Chicken McNugget lovers. Apparently, these people are called "Nugnuts" and nothing could make me angrier. Nugnuts? Jesus fucking Christ. I would annihilate someone if they ever called me something as idiotic as a "Nugnut." How is that even a good idea?!? How was it proposed and what higher-up at Mickey D's said, "Holy crap! That's it!!! You nailed it!!! Nugnut! It's so obvious!!" God damn it I hate advertising. (Sorry, Mary)


I typed "Nugnut" into Google Images and I got this!!! Haha!!

My roommate invited the infant over who he's been trying to hook up with for months now and isn't getting anywhere. I keep telling him she needs to hit puberty first. Haha! She's 21, but that's still waaay too young for an old codger like me. Especially when she acts like she's 21. Anyway, I was trying to sleep last night and I guess she had brought a friend over or something. The idiot dog was going apeshit (and, naturally, the roommate was doing very little to quell the barking). I got really annoyed because I think I heard whoever this girl was making fun of my box of Powerpuff Girl cereal. Is it normal for me to be mad about something like that? I mean, the Powerpuff Girls were the shit with all of us 10 years ago, not that this girl would remember because she was probably just getting out of her training pants. All my college roomates and I would do was sit around, smoke weed, and watch Cartoon Network, especially when Dexter's Lab, Powerpuff Girls, Transformers: Beast Wars, or Dragonball Z was on. Seriously, each of us had a Powerpuff Girl keychain that matched our personalities. I had Blossom. It's Gendy Tartokofsky for fuck sake!!! He's directing the new Dark Crystal sequel!!! He did Samurai Jack and the Clone Wars!!! There is nothing at all wrong with a grown man enjoying the Powerpuff Girls. Especially when I have a box of 10 year old cereal full of marshmallows and Pop Rocks. It's true. It has Pop Rocks in it. And the box is beautiful. It's all sparkly and shit. Let this idiot little girl laugh. I'll be laughing when I sell that shit on ebay for a ton of cash. These kids today know nothing of good script writing and animation styles. Or good cartoons.


God damn it!!!! I guess it was bound to happen. Sigh.

She may or may not have been laughing at my Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring collector glasses from Burger King, too. If I had heard that, I would have lost my shit. Fucking Nugnut.


The King of Cradle-Robbers

Speaking of The Dark Crystal, I just wrote this in an email to MaryTylerWhore and thought it pertinent to share with the rest of y'all (because I crack myself up):

Having 2 blogs is proving to be difficult. I was posting in the new blog when I realized halfway through that it’s a blog better suited for Dork Side. My split personalities are beginning to merge like the Mystics and the Skeksis at the end of The Dark Crystal. I’m becoming an Urskek. I just attempted to Google Skeksis to make sure I was spelling it right and it’s actually in Urban Dictionary. When the fuck do you ever hear that on the street? “Yo, Dogg! My girl came over last night and she wouldn’t stop fightin’ with me over the remote. I had to get all Skeksis on her ass and do a Trial By Stone! Bitch is lucky I didn’t call my Garthim!” What the hell?

Ha! Urban Crystal. Actually, I think that's the new street name for meth. Seriously, though, if you're bored at work or something, look up random Dark Crystal stuff on Wikipedia, like character names and whatnot. It is honestly the best thing ever.


Muuuuuch scarier in German.

Whhhhaaaaaaa?????

John Updike died the other day from lung cancer! What the fuck?!?!? Why isn't this plastered all over the place??? The man won the Pulitzer, for crisakes!!! Twice!! I'll bet if someone who played some kind of sport died or an actor, you wouldn't be able to go anywhere without seeing their face.

F'r Crying Out Loud

I just started a new blog. This time it's personal. It's called "F'r Crying Out Loud" and it can be found through my blogspot or the url http://twoforpunching.blogspot.com/. It's basically stuff I want to write about that really has nothing at all to do with geek pop culture. I'm going to try not to bitch too much about life, but I'm not promising anything. Hopefully it will mostly consist of the funny, fucked up things that go on in my day-to-days. I used to blog all the time about personal things on my Myspace, but that taste has since soured greatly for me. I feel blogspot is slightly more anonymous and distant, which is how I like to be. The world through my eyes is an incredibly fucked up, bizarre, beautiful place and I'm just rolling with the punches in my own tragically funny way. I haven't written anything yet, since I made it a whole 2 seconds ago, but I will. Oh, I will.

The gears are also turning to start a new podcast. I think I know who I want to do it with. I just have to lay down the plan and see if my buddy says yes. Basically, it'll just be the 2 of us talking about whatever and being drunk while we do it. I got the idea from other friends who do podcasts, only they do theirs sober. BOOOORIIIIING!!!! Nah, not really. Their stuff is actually pretty funny, I just think I can do it better 3 sheets to the wind with someone who likes to drink as much as yours truly. I want to have guests on all the time, too, drinking with us. If it plays out like it does in my head, it's going to be awesome, hilarious, and disasterous. Like the Blood Brothers once said: Everybody needs a little devestation. I'll keep y'all posted. Literally.

Those Dancing Days

So, anyone watch LOST last night? I'd like to hear some thoughts. Personally, I thought it was AMAZING!!!!!!!!

I'm completely in love with the girls from Those Dancing Days. I want them to come over and smoke weed, drink OE, and watch Mr. Show with me. Cuddling and Swedish Fish might be involved.

Ze Plane! Ze Plane!

To keep up with the island theme (see last post about LOST), I decided to continue on with the teaser I left a few posts ago when I honored the life of Ricardo Montalban. I do a lot of research on Wikipedia. And by a lot, I mean, every time I look something up, I click on damn near every single link throughout whatever article I'm reading. I'm a total fag for learning. It's also where I get some of my keen info that I post on here. Really the only difference between me and Wikipedia is that I have more pictures and I'm a lot funnier. Well, anyway, as I was doing a little research on Ricardo Montalban (none of which I ended up using), I got to reading about a certain someone who has always been close to my heart. And by close to my heart, I mean he was really, really short.

Let's talk Herve Villechaize!!!!

Who the fuck is Herve Villechaize?!?!?!? Are you kidding?!?!? Have you never seen a single episode of Fantasy Island?!?!? Have you never seen the James Bond film The Man With the Golden Gun?!?!? Even those who have never seen Fantasy Island (never mind that God awful late 90's remake with Malcolm McDowell) should be at least vaguely familiar with the iconic call "Ze plane! Ze plane!"

Little Big World

Herve, better known as Tattoo, the diminutive assistant to Montalban's Mr. Roarke, and the evil Knick Knack from The Man With the Golden Gun, was born in 1943 to a British mother and French father of Filipino ancestory. Due to excessive coffee drinking, his growth was stunted and he suffered from proportionate dwarfism. Nah, I'm just kidding. It was a thyroid problem. It's always a thyroid problem with these little fuckers. Still, don't drink coffee, kids. Well, apparently, Mr. Villechaize got a lot of shit from kids when he went to school, further strengthening my opinon that French people are assholes, and he found escape in painting, leading him to become an *shudder* art student.

Darren Aranofsky had originally cast Villechaize in "The Wrestler," which, needless to say, wasn't "Golden Globe worthy"

Get Shorty

After a stint in some French art school (a term that makes me want to go into a culture seizure), Herve packed up his tiny, little bags and headed to the promising, golden shores of the USA where he ate out of dumpsters and lived as a vagrant. I'm only half making that up. He taught himself how to speak English watching television and did a bunch of plays. He had a bunch of roles in crappy movies, like Oliver Stone's Seizure (2nd time I got to use that word in one paragraph!), Carnival of Blood, and even an offer to be in Dune waaaay before Lynch was hired to direct. I can't for the life of me figure out which role he was being considered for. Maybe Alicia Witt's Alia? God damn that would have been funny!


Ze spice, Barron! Ze spice!

Anyway, so he got his James Bond role, which pretty much pulled the little fella out of poverty and landed him his spot on Fantasy Island. Out of the Pinto and into the penthouse. Now, here's something important to remember. Do not, and I mean, Do Not, get Herve's Knick Knack character confused with Weng Weng, Agent 003 1/2 from For Your Height Only. These are 2 entirely different people. Weng Weng was skilled in martial arts and had a shit ton of gadgets, like flying pork pie hats. Knick Knack just ran around and looked dapper.

Knick Knack

Not Knick Knack

The Terror of Tiny Town

So, the big man ended up getting himself a bitchin supporting role on Fantasy Island as that little shit who liked to yell a lot and tried to run people over with his golf cart. Here's where things started to get fun. It turns out, and I didn't know this, that good ole, fun loving Tattoo was a real pain in the ass to work with. He used to fight with the producers all of the time and, get this, he was a huge womanizer!!!! Fuck yeah, guy!!! The man was Gary Coleman before Gary Coleman was Gary Coleman!!! God damn it, I would have been honored to have been his wing man. On top of it all, and maybe this was because he was French, he insisted on being a called a midget. Holy crap, what is up with this guy???? Doing that pretty much pissed off all of the other hobbits in Hollywoodland who wanted to be called "little people," including Billy Barty. I don't know if you've seen Legend or Under the Rainbow or not, but Billy Barty was not someone to be fucked with, to hell with what the Razzies say. Anyway, I have it on very good authority (an actual conversation I had back in 2001 with Warwick Davis) that they're called "short actors" now. Haha! Whatever.

Big pimpin?

Death Rides a Small Horse

Ultimately, Herve got fired from Fantasy Island and was replaced with some hoity-toity douchebag who couldn't even be bothered enough to ring the damn bell. Needless to say, that was the Island's last season, which proves Tattoo carried that show. Later, he was in a couple of Skinemax movies and, according to his butler, fell into the habit of sitting in a dark room every night, getting wasted, and screaming obscenities at old Fantasy Island reruns. Sounds like we both have something in common. Okay, now close your eyes and picture this whole scenario in your head. Amazing.

Here's where things get kinda sad. It's also where I smack myself upside the head and exclaim, "No shit!" Herve committed suicide in 1993 by shooting himself. Shut up, it's not funny!!! Okay, maybe slightly. Can you imagine that huge gun in his little hand? I gotta know how he did it. I don't mean to disrespect, but it would have been cool if he had survived and came out looking like a little Arseface from Preacher. He totally would have gotten parts in Ghoulies sequels. Anyway, it turns out that at the time of his untimely demise he was in talks with the Williams Street people to be the actual co-host on Space Ghost Coast to Coast. That show is fucking awesome to begin with! Can you imagine how much more incredible it would have been with Tattoo running around?!?!?!?! Herve, you idiot.

And so ends our tale of Herve Villechaize (complete with experimental chapter headings!!!!). Undoubtedly, he left one hell of a legacy behind. You can disagree with me if you want, but all I know is that I spent a very large majority of my childhood running around screaming about planes arriving every 5 minutes, much to my parents' dismay. Herve even found himself shirtless on the cover of a Spazz 7" complete with drawn on jailhouse tattoos. If that doesn't say "you've made it," nothing will. Close it out for us, Randy Newman!!!!

Happy LOST Day!!!

Are you excited? I'm excited.

Not to be too much of a spoiler, especially since I have absloutely no clue what's going to happen this season (but I have theories!!!!), but is that Jin I see? Hmmmmm.....

Rock Band 2: Ttoally Deconstructing Your Musical Tastes, One Band at a Time

I feel it is very, very wrong that because of Rock Band 2, I now almost always have Rise Against and Paramore running through my head., two bands I could not have given 2 shits about in the past. But the songs are so damn catchy!

In order to negate the effects of Rock Band (without playing Mission of Burma or The Replacements for the umpteenth time), I just got my nerdy little paws on the new albums from Morrissey and Antony and the Johnsons. So fucking good!!!! I think the Smoking Popes rubbed off on ole Moz a bit. I also replaced my missing Gob Iron and old Guilt CD's.

Musically, life is good.


Ah, he's still got it! My box of Cheezits, I mean. I really would like to have them back, Stephen.

Ricardo Gonzalo Pedro Montalban y Merino 11/25/1920 - 1/14/09

We'll miss you, Mr. Roarke!! (This post is kind of a nice segue to my next post. hint hint.)









KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!

I "Shit" You Not

This story is in today's orlandosentinel.com:

"CLEARWATER, Fla. - A monkey is on the loose in Tampa Bay. Wildlife officials say the rhesus monkey isn't dangerous but the species is known to throw feces when mad."

Look out, Tampa! There's a poop-slinging monkey running loose and it's pissed! Don't leave home without your Gallagher garbage bags!



Between this and the Clermont girl who sent 35,000 text messages in one month, I don't know how I get by every morning without a paper subscription.

How Great Is This?

Thanks to Boner Party my day was totally made this morning.



Granted it's not the Jessica Drew red and yellow costume, nor is it the Julia Carpenter black and white Spider-Woman, but you know what? I look at that and I just don't care. (Though, the Jessica Drew costume would be pretty bad ass.) Anyway, it sure hell beats:



You may go pluck your eyes out now.

Work Filler

My God is it slow at work today. I'm pretty much finished with everything and I have another 4 hours to go. That's 4 hours of making it look like I'm doing something, despite the fact there's nothing to do, and making it not look like I'm fucking around on the internet.

Let's talk podcasts!



Right now, I'm actually trying to pass the time listening to a podcast done by a couple of lady friends of mine from NYC. It's called Hey Girl Hey and it's run by 2 lovely ladies named Dina and Laura. They both used to live here in Orlando a few years ago and this podcast is great because now I don't have to miss them so much anymore. Plus, I get the inside scoop on the every day happenings of NYC. You should give the podcast a listen if you're down with the iTunes and iPods. I get a kick out of it because I know them, but I think others would dig it, too. It's like talk radio.

You should also check out another friend's podcast called The Printing Press. It's a Lost book club done by my buddy Brian and it centers around the books that are featured in various episodes of Lost. Like a Lynch film, pretty much everything means something in that show, including and especially the books the characters are reading. Each book on the podcast is separated into 2 parts and Brian and our Lost-fan-in-arms, Karen, discuss the books and how they relate to a particular character on the show. If you're a Lostie, you should most definitely check it out. Even if you're a fan of good literature, you might be interested.

Man, this is the longest work day ever. Okay, what else can I talk about?

Ooh! Let's talk comic books!!!!

So, after doing a little piece on the enigmatic, short-lived run of Ultimate Hulk vs. Wolverine (or Ultimate Wolverine vs. Hulk, whatever) I did a little investigating because I thought I had seen something about issue #3 coming out some time this year. I was pretty sure I saw a ".uk" at the end of the web address and what the hell do the Brits know about American books, right? (Which makes me wonder: since we have the Captain Britain book here, do they read Captain America books in England? And if they do, why? I mean, Captain Britain fights some crazy fantasy shit. All Captain America does is fight psychotic despots and dies.) Anyway, I checked it out and Mr. Damon Lindeloff, writer and co-creator of Lost, finally finished the final issue of this comic series no one thought would be completed and is resuming in just a matter of months! Finally!!!! Leinel Yu even stated that he would pick his pencilling duties back up once he was finished with his amazing run on Secret Invasion. I'm a little excited about this.


Wolverine had to split. Get it? Get it?!?

And how about that Secret Invasion finale???? Sad, but I'm glad it's finally over. Sort of. **SPOILERS** It left a founding member of the Avengers, Janet Van Dyne/the Wasp, dead along with several members of the Initiative, another, Hank Pym/Janet's ex-husband/Yellowjacket, with a totally "new" identity (taking up the Wasp mantle with a new costume), Tony Stark in complete ruin and on the run, the Skrull impersonating Jarvis disappearing with Jessica Jones and Luke Cage's baby girl, SHIELD disbanded, Nick Fury going underground yet again, and Norman Osborne in charge of everything and creating the hero-hunting Dark Avengers (which will be debuting in just a couple of weeks). Thanks for nothing, Skrulls. And Mockingbird is still alive!!! Big news for Clint Barton/Ronin since I'm pretty sure they were still married when "she" had "died." This is kind of a really big deal, especially for Clint Barton. Honest to God, I cannot wait to see where this is going to take the Marvel Universe. All of the comics are now part of an all-encompassing story arc called Dark Reign, and the name should say it all. I do hear rumor that the new Captain America (Bucky) will be joining the New Avengers and I can't wait to see how the dynamics work between the former Winter Soldier and the rest of the team. Still, I kind of wonder if the original Cap, Steve Rogers, really is dead. Or was that a Skrull? And who's this Iron Patriot guy on Dark Avengers?? Hmmmmmm.....

Comic books: soap operas for dorks. Well, that and pro wrestling.


SHHHHH!!!! The newest episode of X-Men's on!!!!

God damn, I think I just gave myself a nerdgasm. Okay, I'm done with comic books for now. Let's talk movies!!!

I was special enough to catch a "private" screening of the upcoming Darren Aronofsky film "The Wrestler" with the incredible Mickey Rourke. Holy crap! I loved it! Honestly, if you get the chance to see it when it gets released, fucking do it!!! I can't even talk about too much, so just take my word for it. In the words of Roger Ebert: Shit's dope.

I also got around to watching "Milk" and "Happy Go Lucky" last night. There's not much to say about "Milk." Sean Penn is the shit. It's the first Gus Van Sant film I've liked since "My Own Private Idaho." I cried a little at the end and I'm not even gay. It was a really good movie and solid performances from everyone, even my boy Emile, who I didn't see one speck of Speed Racer or Alpha Dog. Speaking of which, fuck all of those critics who are saying "Speed Racer" was one of the worst films of 2008. Some people obviously didn't get it. Owen from Entertainment Weekly even said the original anime is "forgettable." Eat a dick.

"Happy Go Lucky" was kind of annoying. It's about a really peppy London girl, named Poppy of all things, who is happy all of the time. That's about it. She runs into some of life's little obstacles and she deals with it all with a smile and good attitude. Honestly? Half the time I wanted to punch her and the other half I wanted to call her to come over and hang out. The major saving grace of the film is that the character and her roommate are both primary school teachers, so I could easily relate since that happens to be my choice of degree (however, not profession because they're currently firing teachers as opposed to hiring them). That and there was a scene where Poppy was hooking up and it got me to thinking that she must be insane in the sack. I mean, someone that peppy and energetic? Jesus christ. I'd probably get scared.


Speaking of scary sex.

Okay, so let's talk New Years Resolutions since I still have another 40 minutes here at work and I'm fucking dying to kill more time.

Mine for this year are to get myself back into decent shape again (thanks to my friend Trevor's Wii Fit telling me I have the health of a 43 year old, the fucking bastard game) and to be a happier, more positive person. If you think about it, these are truly attainable resolutions and I'm okay with that. I was thinking about doing the whole "drinking less" thing, but who the hell am I kidding? Besides, that will probably come naturally with me getting fit and spending all of my spare money on health food. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised with myself if I did a smash and grab at a liquor store one of these days if it came down to it.



This is possibly the most unfocused blog I have ever written. I'm out.