Scavengers, Disappear!

For your first assignment, if you're in Orlando, go to AKA Lounge. I don't care when, just go. Preferably when my pal Shelley's working. Up by her bar, hanging on the wall, is one of the most brilliant paintings I have ever seen. Seriously. I don't know how much it is, but whatever the cost, it's worth it. Think Boris Valejo meets Barbarella meets Isaac Asimov meets Frank Frazetta on some gooood acid meets one of the best fucking dreams I've ever had. I don't know what the painting is even called. I'm thinking "Naked Grey Woman With a Raygun Riding Atop A Lizard-like Centaur Buff Dude On Planet Kickass." I must own this painting. No matter where I hang it, my abode will be the most spectacular place on Earth. Even if I were homeless, my refrigerator box would still be more badass than your home.

While I wait for last night's Heroes to finish downloading, let's talk movies!!

I've seen lots of movies the past few days because I've laid up sick with what feels like the Bubonic Plague (and I got to miss Chuck Ragan, Tim Barry, and Ben Nichols perform at the Social, but I'll cry more about that when no one is looking). Pleasantly enough, a lot of what I saw was surprisingly good. Let's start with one for the kids.



Next Avengers!!!! So far, the animated movies Marvel has come outr with the past couple of years have been pretty damned entertaining. Ultimate Avengers, Ultimate Avengers 2, Iron Man, and Doctor Strange have all kept the basics of the comics and allowed themsleves to stray a bit from the path to keep the stories interesting and fresh, yet still stayed close to home so as not to completely ruin the true concepts of the characters (as the live-action films tend to do more times than not). This is why I was concerned when I first saw the add for Next Avengers.

Nowhere in Marvel comics history do these "Next Avengers" exist, which basically means that not only are they starting from scratch with unfamiliar characters, but they're messing with Marvel continuity. Usually not a big deal when it comes to the films, but I had a feeling this was just going to piss me right off, especially considering some great "young heroes" books they could have adapted such as the popular Young Avengers or Runaways. But, seeing as how it's a Marvel movie and I thought they were going to screw up Ultimate Avengers and didn't, I had to give it a shot.

First thing I noticed was Christopher Yost as the writer and Jay Oliva as the director, both of whom have done excellent work in the past. The story starts off with a history lesson as to who the Next Avengers are and how they came to be (basically, they're the offspring of the Avengers). From there, the movie goes into the whole "rights-of-passage" deal with the kids going up against Ultron and doing what their parents couldn't. Initially, I was unimpressed with what I was seeing. However, as the movie progressed I started to dig it more and more until finally I was my usual excited and giddy self when it comes to comic book tie-ins. One of the coolest things about the movie is that they allude to certain things that only true comic fans would get, like where Black Panther's son, Azari, gets his lightning powers. They never say, but I knoooooowwwwww!!!!! One of my favorite scenes is when young Hawkeye, leading his human team of rebels dubbed "Scavengers," shouts "Scavengers, Disappear" in his way of letting them know to fall back, paying homage to Captain America's call to arms. The movie had some great action sequences and some cool surprises. If you're looking for something fun and light and you need your geekbone tickled a bit, I'd definitely recommend this one. Just like when I finished watching the Doctor Strange animated film, I can't wait to see what Marvel Studios cooks up next.

I was going to write about more movies I watched this past week, but Heroes just finished downloading and I'm anxious as all hell to watch it. Rest assured, I'll be posting about The Mutant Chronicles, Little Manhattan (oddly enough for this blog), Speed Racer (gave me a boner), The Messengers, The X-Files: I Want to Believe, War Inc, and what a boring, trite piece of disappointing shit the new Mummy movie was.

Until then, *enter really cool closing line here*!

Did anyone notice my use of an image in this post? I'm getting better at this shit!

Greetings and Salutations!

Let's just start this off by letting you know that I had the best Taco Bell in the world tonight. I'll tell you no lie, G.I. That value meal is the best thing since sliced bread. And with the price of bread going through the fucking roof...well, I really have nothing to add to that. I just felt the need to throw in a Mr. Show reference.

Having said that, welcome to my new blog! "Aw, Jesus Christ, really? Shawn's making an actual blog to bitch and moan on?" No, not really. That's what Myspace is for! (And that awful "other" blog I had. We won't talk about that pointlessness.) Though, not to say there won't be plenty of bitching and moaning on here. Just not about girls and humanity as a whole. This blog is dedicated to all the things I hold near and dear that the majority of my friends can't stand to hear me talk about. No more rolling of the eyes when I discuss what new killer moves I bought in "Incredible Hulk: Ultimate Destruction." No more yawns when I try to explain how that bastard Brett Ratner destroyed the X-Men franchise in one fell smack of his clapper. No more people hanging up on me when I go in depth on how the Midwestern indie rock scene shaped early emo, which in turn added to today's post-post-punk and folk rock (oh, and you'll definitely see the names Braid, Cap'n Jazz, Mineral, and Boys Life pop up more than once). No longer will I feel like Gordon Freeman, hiding in the shadows and traveling the underground railroad in an attempt to escape the oppressive forces of the Combine, always being herded by the mysterious G-Man. I now have a venue where I can openly and freely discuss those things that curl my toes and get me all excited about coming home without feeling like a retard around all the normal folk.

Books! Movies! Comics! Music! TV! Pop culture! Science! Dinosaurs! Especially dinosaurs! Everything and anything that I love. Those things that make me a Geek. A Dork. A Nerd. The things that keep me and a select few huddled in our own spaces at parties, away from the crowd, discussing the ramifications Tomonobu Itagaki's resignation from Tecmo will have on the future of video gaming, the newest installment of Marvel's epic Secret Invasion, and how Kirsten Dunst is ruining the Spider-Man movies. Come on over. Join in on the fun.

Welcome to the Dork Side of the Room.

Be warned, though, if you say out loud that you're looking forward to the remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still, you're being sent to the kitchen. You can shamefully think it, just do no say it.

First off, I wanted to call this the Dork Side of the Moon, but some dickwad already took it. He posted once over a year ago about some nonsense that had nothing to do with anything and hasn't posted since. Honest to God, what a waste of a perfectly good name. Well, joke's on you, dickwad! I think my site's name is better anyway. Thanks to Mary Tyler Whore for confirming that. You should see this guy's Top 10 movies. Every Kevin Smith Jay and Silent Bob film (and I use the word "film" very loosely) is in it. God damn 16-year olds.

Okay, I've wanted to start this a while ago because there were a billion things I wanted to discuss. Some great stuff (surprisingly) coming out of Marvel lately, this summer's movie extravaganza (and wetting everyone's collective deebie-dobbies for The Avengers), the release of GTA 4. There was a lot of stuff. But I just caught something today that combines some great genres and managed to keep an increasingly stale story fresh. I'm talking about the season premier of Heroes.

Man, what a friggin relief!!! Seeing as how the last couple of season finales fell short of awesome (though, last season was understandable with the Great Writers' Strike of 2007) and the first half of the second season being depressing AND boring, I didn't have very high hopes for this season's opener. Sure, I was excited by the "Villains" sub-title, but that'll get ya just so far. After all, as Bill Cosby once said, "The proof is in the pudding." Halle-frickin-lujah that stupid (yet, extremely poignant) strike gave everyone the vacation they needed!!!! These first 2 episodes (shown back-to-back as an apology for the brief Season Numero Dos) had all of the mystery, danger, drama, and bad ass superpowers that made the first season and second half of last season so great. It gave us a bunch of answers (ohhhhhh, so that's what their powers are/were...) and a lot of questions (where on Earth are...fill in the blank?), just as it should be. Plus, it stuck to its own rules and started off at break-neck speed, which is fitting considering one of the new characters we meet. We also get a pretty great eye-opener at the end of episode two. It was something some of us expected, but more in an "it would be cool if/fan fiction" kinda way. It's difficult for me to get too much into it without being Mr. Spoiler-Pants (we actually used to call a kid that in grade school. He had bowel issues) and ruining the party for those of you haven't seen this season yet or have been wanting to get into the show and start from the beginning, so I'm going to keep my joy and optimism for this season brief. Just take my word for it. All I can say is, if Suresh at any point says, "With great power comes great responsibility," someone's going to pay. You just don't do that.

Okay, so there's my first post. Not bad. I know I still need to iron out a few wrinkles, like slow down on the huge paragraphs and try to add some pictures and whatnot, but over time I'll get the hang of this whole blog business. I'm kind of in a rush anyway because I want to get in some Half-Life 2: Episode 2 and it's getting close to my sleepy time. The next blog will be about God knows what, God knows when. It could be about the new TV on the Radio album tomorrow or it could be about the new Ghostbusters video game next month. It could be both! In the mean time, rock out with your dork out!

(Man, I have got to come up with a better closing line.)