Well, it’s flippin’ official. My job blocked my Blogspot access. Those bastards. And I’m almost absolutely certain it’s because of me. The employees at my job aren’t exactly the “writing” type. It happens when just anyone can walk in off the street and get employment here. I mean, after the drug test and all. So, now I really am forced to write on Word and email it to my Hotmail account so I can copy and paste it to my blogger when I get home. Fucking ridiculous? You betcha.
So, it’s been a while since I’ve posted. Work has been keeping me ridiculously busy, like overtime busy, and they’ve been canning people who’ve been using the internet (Big Brother’s watching!), causing me to lay low for a bit. It doesn’t help that my home computer has contracted a virus I can’t get rid of, disallowing me from accessing the internet, or much else for that matter. God damn, when it rains it pours. Quite a bit has happened in the last month or so since my last post. I think I’ll write about the one thing every geek in the world has been gushing over for the past year.
So, let’s talk “Watchmen.”
Who’s seen it? Who hated it? Well, to hell with you. I’ve seen it twice, if I may be so bold to brag. The people who are hating on the film are hating it for the most ridiculous and varied reasons. Maybe you fit into one of these categories.
First you have the fanboys. Those unlovable little nerds who won’t be happy with any translation laid down on celluloid (or in this case digital memory banks). The most common complaint I’ve run into so far from these Simpsons Comic Book Guy blueprints? They changed the ending. Well, let me explain something to those of you out there who have yet to read the graphic novel. The original ending of Watchmen involved a staged alien invasion, a gigantic squid, and genetic manipulation. Really, the movie version wasn’t all that far from those plot points, but I won’t get too in depth in case anyone reading this has yet to see the film (and you should). What was important was the movie having the same outcome as the book, which it did. To berate the film because you’re upset that you didn’t get to see a giant squid is ridiculous. And while the movie’s change doesn’t make a whole lot of sense if you take the time to really, really ponder it, it worked extremely well for an average movie-going audience and I, for one, liked it. The dialogue was nearly word for word, and the shots were taken straight from the panels of the book. The acting here and there left a little to be desired, but the film made up for it visually. It cost them $100-million to make and they definitely got their moolah’s worth. And this is coming from a die-hard fan. If I want giant squids and alien invasions, I’ll watch “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea” and “Independence Day.” Oh, I’m sorry. I mean, “ID4,” as though that ever made any sense.
Next, we have the Average Movie-Goer. Those poor slobs who deny themselves the good things in life (like being obsessed with movies, video games, and comic books). As my friends and I sat in the Imax theater opening night , full of Ale House food, munching on candy and patiently awaiting the opening title of “Watchmen,” Brian looked over at me and said, “I wonder how many of these people are going to be disappointed in this film.” To which I replied, “I could give a shit, so long as I’m not disappointed.” A lot of people walked in expecting to see a super hero movie full of action. What they got was something entirely different and that pissed a lot of folks off. You really can’t blame them. It bugged the hell out of me that the studio was marketing the film they way they were: as an epic action picture. In reality, it’s an epic murder-mystery-drama, deconstructing the super hero mythos and reassembling it in a more realistic fashion. Think about it: here are a bunch of people who dress up in costumes and run around fighting other people who dress up in costumes. What kind of people would actually do this? Narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths, nerds, sexual deviants, megalomaniacs. It’s not exactly a Spider-Man film. To those of you who wanted Daredevil or Punisher, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you spent half the movie bored because it was too much story. I’m sorry that only one character had actual superpowers (unlike Iron Man and Batman, so that argument is total bullshit). I’m sorry that there was a rad sex scene in it. I’m sorry that it was unlike any other super hero movie you’ve ever seen and you’re just too dense to accept it for what it is. I’ve always said there are 2 types of people in this world: those who read Vonnegut and those who don’t. Now I can easily sum humanity up with this film: Those who get “Watchmen” and those who don’t.
For all of these people who didn’t like “Watchmen,” at least they got the new “Harry Potter” and “Star Trek” trailers out of it. So awesome.
Speaking of Harry Potter, I saw the new teaser poster for the movie. “HP6.” HP6?!?!?!? What the fuck is that?!? It’s called “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince!” Or even “Harry Potter 6.” Whatever! Why, why, why do these Hollywood marketers and advertisers insist on retarding everything? The same thing pissed me off for the last 2 X-Men films. “X2” and “X3.” Just say X-Men 2. Is it really all that hard saying one whole extra syllable?? You’re not going to lose that much time out of your day, trust me. All of these idiotic abbreviations aren’t doing the movies any favors. They’re just making these films sound like various stages of venereal diseases, not to mention the fact they’re dumbing people down and making them linguistically lazy.
As far as trailers go, if you haven’t seen the new trailer for “Where the Wild Things Are,” I beseech you to look it up and watch it. It looks absolutely amazing. The Arcade Fire soundtrack just adds to my joy. Hopefully, the movie will get Spike Jonze in the mood again to do “Harold and the Purple Crayon.” Oh, excuse me. I meant to say “HATPC1.”
Sorry if I seem a little more venomous than usual. I had a shitty weekend. Read my other blog to find out a little about it. Plus,. I'm sorry there are no pics on this post. Damn site is acting up.
