When I left the house this morning, it was in the 50's. By the time I got to work it was in the 40's. What the fuck?!?!?

The Bone Blog boys just posted a thing about Nugnuts. It's a video, which I can't view at work, but I really don't need to see it to know. In case you don't know, McDonald's started this new ad campaign aimed at Chicken McNugget lovers. Apparently, these people are called "Nugnuts" and nothing could make me angrier. Nugnuts? Jesus fucking Christ. I would annihilate someone if they ever called me something as idiotic as a "Nugnut." How is that even a good idea?!? How was it proposed and what higher-up at Mickey D's said, "Holy crap! That's it!!! You nailed it!!! Nugnut! It's so obvious!!" God damn it I hate advertising. (Sorry, Mary)


I typed "Nugnut" into Google Images and I got this!!! Haha!!

My roommate invited the infant over who he's been trying to hook up with for months now and isn't getting anywhere. I keep telling him she needs to hit puberty first. Haha! She's 21, but that's still waaay too young for an old codger like me. Especially when she acts like she's 21. Anyway, I was trying to sleep last night and I guess she had brought a friend over or something. The idiot dog was going apeshit (and, naturally, the roommate was doing very little to quell the barking). I got really annoyed because I think I heard whoever this girl was making fun of my box of Powerpuff Girl cereal. Is it normal for me to be mad about something like that? I mean, the Powerpuff Girls were the shit with all of us 10 years ago, not that this girl would remember because she was probably just getting out of her training pants. All my college roomates and I would do was sit around, smoke weed, and watch Cartoon Network, especially when Dexter's Lab, Powerpuff Girls, Transformers: Beast Wars, or Dragonball Z was on. Seriously, each of us had a Powerpuff Girl keychain that matched our personalities. I had Blossom. It's Gendy Tartokofsky for fuck sake!!! He's directing the new Dark Crystal sequel!!! He did Samurai Jack and the Clone Wars!!! There is nothing at all wrong with a grown man enjoying the Powerpuff Girls. Especially when I have a box of 10 year old cereal full of marshmallows and Pop Rocks. It's true. It has Pop Rocks in it. And the box is beautiful. It's all sparkly and shit. Let this idiot little girl laugh. I'll be laughing when I sell that shit on ebay for a ton of cash. These kids today know nothing of good script writing and animation styles. Or good cartoons.


God damn it!!!! I guess it was bound to happen. Sigh.

She may or may not have been laughing at my Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring collector glasses from Burger King, too. If I had heard that, I would have lost my shit. Fucking Nugnut.


The King of Cradle-Robbers

Speaking of The Dark Crystal, I just wrote this in an email to MaryTylerWhore and thought it pertinent to share with the rest of y'all (because I crack myself up):

Having 2 blogs is proving to be difficult. I was posting in the new blog when I realized halfway through that it’s a blog better suited for Dork Side. My split personalities are beginning to merge like the Mystics and the Skeksis at the end of The Dark Crystal. I’m becoming an Urskek. I just attempted to Google Skeksis to make sure I was spelling it right and it’s actually in Urban Dictionary. When the fuck do you ever hear that on the street? “Yo, Dogg! My girl came over last night and she wouldn’t stop fightin’ with me over the remote. I had to get all Skeksis on her ass and do a Trial By Stone! Bitch is lucky I didn’t call my Garthim!” What the hell?

Ha! Urban Crystal. Actually, I think that's the new street name for meth. Seriously, though, if you're bored at work or something, look up random Dark Crystal stuff on Wikipedia, like character names and whatnot. It is honestly the best thing ever.


Muuuuuch scarier in German.

Whhhhaaaaaaa?????

John Updike died the other day from lung cancer! What the fuck?!?!? Why isn't this plastered all over the place??? The man won the Pulitzer, for crisakes!!! Twice!! I'll bet if someone who played some kind of sport died or an actor, you wouldn't be able to go anywhere without seeing their face.

F'r Crying Out Loud

I just started a new blog. This time it's personal. It's called "F'r Crying Out Loud" and it can be found through my blogspot or the url http://twoforpunching.blogspot.com/. It's basically stuff I want to write about that really has nothing at all to do with geek pop culture. I'm going to try not to bitch too much about life, but I'm not promising anything. Hopefully it will mostly consist of the funny, fucked up things that go on in my day-to-days. I used to blog all the time about personal things on my Myspace, but that taste has since soured greatly for me. I feel blogspot is slightly more anonymous and distant, which is how I like to be. The world through my eyes is an incredibly fucked up, bizarre, beautiful place and I'm just rolling with the punches in my own tragically funny way. I haven't written anything yet, since I made it a whole 2 seconds ago, but I will. Oh, I will.

The gears are also turning to start a new podcast. I think I know who I want to do it with. I just have to lay down the plan and see if my buddy says yes. Basically, it'll just be the 2 of us talking about whatever and being drunk while we do it. I got the idea from other friends who do podcasts, only they do theirs sober. BOOOORIIIIING!!!! Nah, not really. Their stuff is actually pretty funny, I just think I can do it better 3 sheets to the wind with someone who likes to drink as much as yours truly. I want to have guests on all the time, too, drinking with us. If it plays out like it does in my head, it's going to be awesome, hilarious, and disasterous. Like the Blood Brothers once said: Everybody needs a little devestation. I'll keep y'all posted. Literally.

Those Dancing Days

So, anyone watch LOST last night? I'd like to hear some thoughts. Personally, I thought it was AMAZING!!!!!!!!

I'm completely in love with the girls from Those Dancing Days. I want them to come over and smoke weed, drink OE, and watch Mr. Show with me. Cuddling and Swedish Fish might be involved.

Ze Plane! Ze Plane!

To keep up with the island theme (see last post about LOST), I decided to continue on with the teaser I left a few posts ago when I honored the life of Ricardo Montalban. I do a lot of research on Wikipedia. And by a lot, I mean, every time I look something up, I click on damn near every single link throughout whatever article I'm reading. I'm a total fag for learning. It's also where I get some of my keen info that I post on here. Really the only difference between me and Wikipedia is that I have more pictures and I'm a lot funnier. Well, anyway, as I was doing a little research on Ricardo Montalban (none of which I ended up using), I got to reading about a certain someone who has always been close to my heart. And by close to my heart, I mean he was really, really short.

Let's talk Herve Villechaize!!!!

Who the fuck is Herve Villechaize?!?!?!? Are you kidding?!?!? Have you never seen a single episode of Fantasy Island?!?!? Have you never seen the James Bond film The Man With the Golden Gun?!?!? Even those who have never seen Fantasy Island (never mind that God awful late 90's remake with Malcolm McDowell) should be at least vaguely familiar with the iconic call "Ze plane! Ze plane!"

Little Big World

Herve, better known as Tattoo, the diminutive assistant to Montalban's Mr. Roarke, and the evil Knick Knack from The Man With the Golden Gun, was born in 1943 to a British mother and French father of Filipino ancestory. Due to excessive coffee drinking, his growth was stunted and he suffered from proportionate dwarfism. Nah, I'm just kidding. It was a thyroid problem. It's always a thyroid problem with these little fuckers. Still, don't drink coffee, kids. Well, apparently, Mr. Villechaize got a lot of shit from kids when he went to school, further strengthening my opinon that French people are assholes, and he found escape in painting, leading him to become an *shudder* art student.

Darren Aranofsky had originally cast Villechaize in "The Wrestler," which, needless to say, wasn't "Golden Globe worthy"

Get Shorty

After a stint in some French art school (a term that makes me want to go into a culture seizure), Herve packed up his tiny, little bags and headed to the promising, golden shores of the USA where he ate out of dumpsters and lived as a vagrant. I'm only half making that up. He taught himself how to speak English watching television and did a bunch of plays. He had a bunch of roles in crappy movies, like Oliver Stone's Seizure (2nd time I got to use that word in one paragraph!), Carnival of Blood, and even an offer to be in Dune waaaay before Lynch was hired to direct. I can't for the life of me figure out which role he was being considered for. Maybe Alicia Witt's Alia? God damn that would have been funny!


Ze spice, Barron! Ze spice!

Anyway, so he got his James Bond role, which pretty much pulled the little fella out of poverty and landed him his spot on Fantasy Island. Out of the Pinto and into the penthouse. Now, here's something important to remember. Do not, and I mean, Do Not, get Herve's Knick Knack character confused with Weng Weng, Agent 003 1/2 from For Your Height Only. These are 2 entirely different people. Weng Weng was skilled in martial arts and had a shit ton of gadgets, like flying pork pie hats. Knick Knack just ran around and looked dapper.

Knick Knack

Not Knick Knack

The Terror of Tiny Town

So, the big man ended up getting himself a bitchin supporting role on Fantasy Island as that little shit who liked to yell a lot and tried to run people over with his golf cart. Here's where things started to get fun. It turns out, and I didn't know this, that good ole, fun loving Tattoo was a real pain in the ass to work with. He used to fight with the producers all of the time and, get this, he was a huge womanizer!!!! Fuck yeah, guy!!! The man was Gary Coleman before Gary Coleman was Gary Coleman!!! God damn it, I would have been honored to have been his wing man. On top of it all, and maybe this was because he was French, he insisted on being a called a midget. Holy crap, what is up with this guy???? Doing that pretty much pissed off all of the other hobbits in Hollywoodland who wanted to be called "little people," including Billy Barty. I don't know if you've seen Legend or Under the Rainbow or not, but Billy Barty was not someone to be fucked with, to hell with what the Razzies say. Anyway, I have it on very good authority (an actual conversation I had back in 2001 with Warwick Davis) that they're called "short actors" now. Haha! Whatever.

Big pimpin?

Death Rides a Small Horse

Ultimately, Herve got fired from Fantasy Island and was replaced with some hoity-toity douchebag who couldn't even be bothered enough to ring the damn bell. Needless to say, that was the Island's last season, which proves Tattoo carried that show. Later, he was in a couple of Skinemax movies and, according to his butler, fell into the habit of sitting in a dark room every night, getting wasted, and screaming obscenities at old Fantasy Island reruns. Sounds like we both have something in common. Okay, now close your eyes and picture this whole scenario in your head. Amazing.

Here's where things get kinda sad. It's also where I smack myself upside the head and exclaim, "No shit!" Herve committed suicide in 1993 by shooting himself. Shut up, it's not funny!!! Okay, maybe slightly. Can you imagine that huge gun in his little hand? I gotta know how he did it. I don't mean to disrespect, but it would have been cool if he had survived and came out looking like a little Arseface from Preacher. He totally would have gotten parts in Ghoulies sequels. Anyway, it turns out that at the time of his untimely demise he was in talks with the Williams Street people to be the actual co-host on Space Ghost Coast to Coast. That show is fucking awesome to begin with! Can you imagine how much more incredible it would have been with Tattoo running around?!?!?!?! Herve, you idiot.

And so ends our tale of Herve Villechaize (complete with experimental chapter headings!!!!). Undoubtedly, he left one hell of a legacy behind. You can disagree with me if you want, but all I know is that I spent a very large majority of my childhood running around screaming about planes arriving every 5 minutes, much to my parents' dismay. Herve even found himself shirtless on the cover of a Spazz 7" complete with drawn on jailhouse tattoos. If that doesn't say "you've made it," nothing will. Close it out for us, Randy Newman!!!!

Happy LOST Day!!!

Are you excited? I'm excited.

Not to be too much of a spoiler, especially since I have absloutely no clue what's going to happen this season (but I have theories!!!!), but is that Jin I see? Hmmmmm.....

Rock Band 2: Ttoally Deconstructing Your Musical Tastes, One Band at a Time

I feel it is very, very wrong that because of Rock Band 2, I now almost always have Rise Against and Paramore running through my head., two bands I could not have given 2 shits about in the past. But the songs are so damn catchy!

In order to negate the effects of Rock Band (without playing Mission of Burma or The Replacements for the umpteenth time), I just got my nerdy little paws on the new albums from Morrissey and Antony and the Johnsons. So fucking good!!!! I think the Smoking Popes rubbed off on ole Moz a bit. I also replaced my missing Gob Iron and old Guilt CD's.

Musically, life is good.


Ah, he's still got it! My box of Cheezits, I mean. I really would like to have them back, Stephen.

Ricardo Gonzalo Pedro Montalban y Merino 11/25/1920 - 1/14/09

We'll miss you, Mr. Roarke!! (This post is kind of a nice segue to my next post. hint hint.)









KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!

I "Shit" You Not

This story is in today's orlandosentinel.com:

"CLEARWATER, Fla. - A monkey is on the loose in Tampa Bay. Wildlife officials say the rhesus monkey isn't dangerous but the species is known to throw feces when mad."

Look out, Tampa! There's a poop-slinging monkey running loose and it's pissed! Don't leave home without your Gallagher garbage bags!



Between this and the Clermont girl who sent 35,000 text messages in one month, I don't know how I get by every morning without a paper subscription.

How Great Is This?

Thanks to Boner Party my day was totally made this morning.



Granted it's not the Jessica Drew red and yellow costume, nor is it the Julia Carpenter black and white Spider-Woman, but you know what? I look at that and I just don't care. (Though, the Jessica Drew costume would be pretty bad ass.) Anyway, it sure hell beats:



You may go pluck your eyes out now.

Work Filler

My God is it slow at work today. I'm pretty much finished with everything and I have another 4 hours to go. That's 4 hours of making it look like I'm doing something, despite the fact there's nothing to do, and making it not look like I'm fucking around on the internet.

Let's talk podcasts!



Right now, I'm actually trying to pass the time listening to a podcast done by a couple of lady friends of mine from NYC. It's called Hey Girl Hey and it's run by 2 lovely ladies named Dina and Laura. They both used to live here in Orlando a few years ago and this podcast is great because now I don't have to miss them so much anymore. Plus, I get the inside scoop on the every day happenings of NYC. You should give the podcast a listen if you're down with the iTunes and iPods. I get a kick out of it because I know them, but I think others would dig it, too. It's like talk radio.

You should also check out another friend's podcast called The Printing Press. It's a Lost book club done by my buddy Brian and it centers around the books that are featured in various episodes of Lost. Like a Lynch film, pretty much everything means something in that show, including and especially the books the characters are reading. Each book on the podcast is separated into 2 parts and Brian and our Lost-fan-in-arms, Karen, discuss the books and how they relate to a particular character on the show. If you're a Lostie, you should most definitely check it out. Even if you're a fan of good literature, you might be interested.

Man, this is the longest work day ever. Okay, what else can I talk about?

Ooh! Let's talk comic books!!!!

So, after doing a little piece on the enigmatic, short-lived run of Ultimate Hulk vs. Wolverine (or Ultimate Wolverine vs. Hulk, whatever) I did a little investigating because I thought I had seen something about issue #3 coming out some time this year. I was pretty sure I saw a ".uk" at the end of the web address and what the hell do the Brits know about American books, right? (Which makes me wonder: since we have the Captain Britain book here, do they read Captain America books in England? And if they do, why? I mean, Captain Britain fights some crazy fantasy shit. All Captain America does is fight psychotic despots and dies.) Anyway, I checked it out and Mr. Damon Lindeloff, writer and co-creator of Lost, finally finished the final issue of this comic series no one thought would be completed and is resuming in just a matter of months! Finally!!!! Leinel Yu even stated that he would pick his pencilling duties back up once he was finished with his amazing run on Secret Invasion. I'm a little excited about this.


Wolverine had to split. Get it? Get it?!?

And how about that Secret Invasion finale???? Sad, but I'm glad it's finally over. Sort of. **SPOILERS** It left a founding member of the Avengers, Janet Van Dyne/the Wasp, dead along with several members of the Initiative, another, Hank Pym/Janet's ex-husband/Yellowjacket, with a totally "new" identity (taking up the Wasp mantle with a new costume), Tony Stark in complete ruin and on the run, the Skrull impersonating Jarvis disappearing with Jessica Jones and Luke Cage's baby girl, SHIELD disbanded, Nick Fury going underground yet again, and Norman Osborne in charge of everything and creating the hero-hunting Dark Avengers (which will be debuting in just a couple of weeks). Thanks for nothing, Skrulls. And Mockingbird is still alive!!! Big news for Clint Barton/Ronin since I'm pretty sure they were still married when "she" had "died." This is kind of a really big deal, especially for Clint Barton. Honest to God, I cannot wait to see where this is going to take the Marvel Universe. All of the comics are now part of an all-encompassing story arc called Dark Reign, and the name should say it all. I do hear rumor that the new Captain America (Bucky) will be joining the New Avengers and I can't wait to see how the dynamics work between the former Winter Soldier and the rest of the team. Still, I kind of wonder if the original Cap, Steve Rogers, really is dead. Or was that a Skrull? And who's this Iron Patriot guy on Dark Avengers?? Hmmmmmm.....

Comic books: soap operas for dorks. Well, that and pro wrestling.


SHHHHH!!!! The newest episode of X-Men's on!!!!

God damn, I think I just gave myself a nerdgasm. Okay, I'm done with comic books for now. Let's talk movies!!!

I was special enough to catch a "private" screening of the upcoming Darren Aronofsky film "The Wrestler" with the incredible Mickey Rourke. Holy crap! I loved it! Honestly, if you get the chance to see it when it gets released, fucking do it!!! I can't even talk about too much, so just take my word for it. In the words of Roger Ebert: Shit's dope.

I also got around to watching "Milk" and "Happy Go Lucky" last night. There's not much to say about "Milk." Sean Penn is the shit. It's the first Gus Van Sant film I've liked since "My Own Private Idaho." I cried a little at the end and I'm not even gay. It was a really good movie and solid performances from everyone, even my boy Emile, who I didn't see one speck of Speed Racer or Alpha Dog. Speaking of which, fuck all of those critics who are saying "Speed Racer" was one of the worst films of 2008. Some people obviously didn't get it. Owen from Entertainment Weekly even said the original anime is "forgettable." Eat a dick.

"Happy Go Lucky" was kind of annoying. It's about a really peppy London girl, named Poppy of all things, who is happy all of the time. That's about it. She runs into some of life's little obstacles and she deals with it all with a smile and good attitude. Honestly? Half the time I wanted to punch her and the other half I wanted to call her to come over and hang out. The major saving grace of the film is that the character and her roommate are both primary school teachers, so I could easily relate since that happens to be my choice of degree (however, not profession because they're currently firing teachers as opposed to hiring them). That and there was a scene where Poppy was hooking up and it got me to thinking that she must be insane in the sack. I mean, someone that peppy and energetic? Jesus christ. I'd probably get scared.


Speaking of scary sex.

Okay, so let's talk New Years Resolutions since I still have another 40 minutes here at work and I'm fucking dying to kill more time.

Mine for this year are to get myself back into decent shape again (thanks to my friend Trevor's Wii Fit telling me I have the health of a 43 year old, the fucking bastard game) and to be a happier, more positive person. If you think about it, these are truly attainable resolutions and I'm okay with that. I was thinking about doing the whole "drinking less" thing, but who the hell am I kidding? Besides, that will probably come naturally with me getting fit and spending all of my spare money on health food. I wouldn't be the least bit surprised with myself if I did a smash and grab at a liquor store one of these days if it came down to it.



This is possibly the most unfocused blog I have ever written. I'm out.