Damn, Sam

So there I am the other day sitting on the toilet at work and thinking about random things as I so often do while pooping. (I know, awesome way to start a blog.) For some reason I got to thinking about the cast of “Diff’rent Strokes” and how it’s a damn shame that everyone knows what happened to everyone on that show, but no one really knows or cares what happened to Sam. Remember Sam? That little ginger kid? Dixie Carter and, later, Mary Ann Mobley’s son? (See, there they go switching actors again! Damnit!! They replaced Dixie Carter but they just flat out fired Dana Plato???? I call horse shit!) We all know Todd Bridges is in rehab and trying to kill people. We all know Dana Plato’s dead after robbing a video store. We all know Gary Coleman is still diminutive and jumping on cars. Hell, you should even know how Charlotte Rae’s doing if you’ve seen “Don’t Mess With the Zohan” or have seen her cabaret. (Yes, unfortunately I said cabaret). But what about little Danny Cooksey?


Wrong ginger.


That's the one!!!

Turns out he was on “Salute Your Shorts.” Well, when this show was being aired on Nickelodeon, I didn’t have cable because my family was poor and we lived in the middle of nowhere. Besides, from the couple of times I’ve seen that show at friends’ houses, the only character that sticks out in my mind is Dick Lips or Donkey Lips or whatever the hell his name was. I also remember “Hey, Dude” because I thought it was a retarded fucking show and couldn’t understand how “You Can’t Do That On Television” wasn’t around anymore but that was. Good lord, come to think of it, if you really couldn’t do those things on TV in the early 80’s, I’d hate to see what that show would be like now. I guess that’s why we have Youtube and FoxNews.


Apparently, you CAN do that on television.

Back to little Danny. So, okay, we have “Salute Your Shorts,” but what then? I’ll tell you what then. Rock ‘N Roll, bitches!!! That’s right, little Danny Cooksey is all grown up and playing metal!! He even found himself in a Steve Vai band called Bad4Good. Bad4Good!!! How awesome is that?!?! Plus, he was in Terminator 2. No shit. Looks like our little man has been pretty busy being rad. I can relate.


Fuck you, Hanson

These days he does voice acting for video games and animated shows. In case you didn’t know, animated shows used to be known as “cartoons.” He’s also married to a makeup artist named Amber. Let me reiterate: A makeup artist named Amber. Yep, I’m pretty sure she’s hot. What really blows my mind is that he’s the same age I am. Or will be, at any rate, on November 2, so be sure to wish him a happy birthday and turn your clocks back an hour. I guess I should stop calling him “little.” The guy could probably shove his guitar up my ass and play Don’t Fear the Reaper with my chest hair.

What I find really freaky is that he looks an awful lot like my buddy, Ben.


Ben? Danny?


Danny? Ben?

P.S. Last night's episode of Heroes suuuuucked. If you can't figure out a way to get from Point A to Point B without insulting my intelligence, don't even bother.